sing a sad song in a lonely world.

I'm exhausted. Just exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. All over. My head hurts. My body aches. And it takes all my energy to really smile.

Erik's memorial service this morning was inspiring. I'm envious of his positive outlook on both life and death. I wish I could view them the same way, all calm and collected. It was an honor to be able to sing in his memory.

I just wish that uplifted feeling carried over to my evening.

I drove home this afternoon in order to attend Richard's funeral service tomorrow morning. The family gathered to watch the Super Bowl at Aunt Gerry and Richard's house, and while it was nice to them gathered in one place again, I was completely unprepared to handle it. Gerry started crying as I walked in the door because she was so thankful I was there, and the rest of the night she called me Miss Agnes. I spent the rest of the night gathered around the dining room table listening to and sharing stories about my Uncle Richard, which was really nice and comforting until we started reading through the notes Richard wrote while on a ventilator in the hospital...

I've always thought myself to be a strong person, but this has been really trying. I just want some closure.