say hello, wave goodbye.

What a week this has been. But I'm glad to say I'm smiling more and dwelling less. Bittersweet. Saying goodbye always is.

I have a paper due Monday, but I'm finding it difficult to come up with motivation. I just want to curl up in bed and watch Boston Legal. I need to get rid of all this unproductive laziness.

I really hate when I have the urge to write but find I have nothing to say. For that, I offer up something I wrote in my journal Wednesday, when I was decidedly more somber:

I can't give a genuine smile
unless someone pulls a laugh
from my overcast heart.
Lethargy prevails in the aftermath.
A funk pervades my countenance.
It seems so effortless to pretend,
but I don't desire to put on
two different hats and two different masks.
Happiness is a brief thing
that occurs in random spurts.
But it is fleeting, unfortunately;
I can't seem to grasp it,
capture it in my fingers and hold on tight.
But my grip would be desperate.
I cannot sink so low;
my pride will not allow me to need.