you know, they call them killer whales.

I hate avoiding things. I’m the kind of person who likes to tackle issues head-on. Yet here I find myself running away and deflecting questions. Keeping silent. Holding it in. It feels strange. I’m not sure it’s healthy. There are only so many places I can vent my frustrations to before they all come to a head, right? And then, it’s worse. That’s what they tell you.

Oh them. Them and their wisdom. I should listen to them more often.

Don’t you just hate when the good mood is ruined? That happened tonight. Another instance of people trying to pry where they are not welcome. When will they learn that when they delve too deep it only serves to shut them out more?

Enough of that. This was not meant for rants.

It’s just…I find myself afraid to face things now where I wasn’t before. Maybe that’s because my life was never messy before. It is now. That’s a strange thing for me. I’m not sure how to deal with it.

But besides all that, my most overwhelming feeling is that of boredom. Going to college in a big city makes me realize how little there is to do back here in a modestly large one.

My mood today:

I found this today as I was just perusing the internet in my boredom. I thought it  was funny, I guess. Reminded me of my failed attempt to read Naked Lunch when I was in 10th grade, I just got really confused trying to slog through it and my English teacher saw it one day on my desk and told me I was too young to read it. She was right.

She was also most likely on drugs.

Maybe I should try again, then follow up with some more beatnik literature. You know, go through a beatnik period. I tried to organize something like that this summer as I compiled a list of books I wanted to read. There got to be so many I had to separate them into categories: Southern writers, absurdist literature, etc. It seems to make more sense, to read each category and move on to the next one. But I add books to the list faster than I can read them, so I don’t know how well that would work out.

Wait. Yes I do. Not very well at all.

But Christmas is in four days, which is something to look forward to.