i set fire to the rain

The boy has been playing that Adele song repeatedly for the last two days, and it's been such a gloomy day today with all the rain and cold hovering outside that it just seems appropriate. It's been the strangest week for me - I find myself stressed and burdened with the knowledge of problems I cannot fix.

But February is almost over. That is some solace at least. March always promises to bring good news, or at least a brighter aspect to my life in relief from the persistent sadness that pervades February's character.

I'm writing again. I've been very inconsistent the past year, and have neglected my journal and this blog - which I do often. But the fact that many of my friends have taken up their own blogs has inspired me to return here to see if I can make sense of what direction I would like to take from this point on. An old friend told me a while ago they enjoyed seeing my own writing here, which I'm still somewhat shy about because of that nagging self-consciousness that nothing I write is really worth reading. But a creative writing class I took last semester definitely helped develop my confidence, so perhaps I will post a little more often. And I would like to discuss the books I read, though not necessarily in a formalized book review sort of way. I just like good writing, and would like to share those passages I come across that I find particularly compelling.

Currently, I've been reading Margaret Atwood's Blind Assassin off and on since the new semester began. During Christmas break I was able to read a lot of books within a short period of time, but I really do like to allow myself time to digest Margaret Atwood fully, and so I find myself trying to fit in a chapter or two between the mountain of reading and work I have for school. I came across a paragraph or two that really seemed poignant to me, but I don't want to overwhelm myself in ambitiousness with this first post back and will share and discuss it in the future.

Besides reading, I'm scrambling to figure out my future. This time next year I will be a college graduate, which is both exciting and terrifying. I'm attempting to ignore that for now, though. The summer is what is proving to be an obstacle. So far, I've applied for four different internships at publishing companies in Nashville and New York, and am contemplating applying to three separate internships with PR firms in Atlanta. I haven't heard back from any of them given that it is so early in the year, but I'm still waiting in eager anticipation until the end of March. Wish me luck, amigos.

I suppose that is enough to inundate you with for the time being. Until next time (there will be a next time, promise).

A Long Absence

It’s been months. I turn my computer on every day and I think that I should possibly update this blog, but then that is immediately followed by the thought to leave it until tomorrow. Now I find myself in December, without a word since September. Shame on me.

I could give the excuse that I’ve been too busy to sit down and offer up the Reader’s Digest version of my life at Oglethorpe thus far, but that would be a lie. As full as my schedule is, I have time to breathe, to take naps, to just sit in a room with my friends and just chill without the need to do something else. Occasionally, I’ll even get myself a meal. But now that I am home I have no excuses, and since my pride won’t allow me to give up on this blog, here I am. I know what my New Year’s Resolution will be.

But on to the synopsis, which could really be summed up in one word: change. I’ve changed a lot. It’s to be expected when I pack myself up and ship off to a small liberal arts college nobody has ever heard of. And generally, I like the person I’ve become. I love where I am. I love what I’m doing. I love the people I’m with. I’m lucky I found the perfect fit. It is a place where I can truly be myself and not feel like I have to suppress certain aspects of my personality to please certain people. That is truly a blessing.

When I compare my short college experience to the one I had in high school, I notice the stark difference. I notice the tepid high school friendships where I felt like I didn’t quite fit in and I tried too hard. I notice the lack of motivation I had for my schoolwork and how I buried myself in extracurriculars because that’s where I felt most comfortable. I notice how reserved I was, how quiet around most people I became because I was just so different; not that they knew. But at Oglethorpe, I not only have a close group of friends I can share everything with, but I have lots of friends from different areas which mix together. It’s one of those wonderful instances where I never have to worry about sitting alone at meal times because there is always someone to sit with. I’m actually in classes I want to be in, classes that interest me and make me want to learn and to read more. But not only can I throw myself into theatre and choir and my writing like I used to, I also am involved in a sorority, something I never thought I would do.

That was a rather general and simplified overview of my experience thus far. My brain is fuzzy from catching up on all the sleep I lost over the semester. It’s nice to sit in bed and just vegetate sometimes. I’ve been spending my day reminiscing on the past four months and learning the words to Savage Garden’s “I Want You.” Which was a success, if you were wondering.

And now, for a more specific synopsis:

Polishing the turtle. No more going to sleep earlier than midnight. Museum. Movie parties in various dorm rooms. Joining Sigma. Frat parties every weekend. UNO. “I’m hiding cigarettes in my lungs.” Singleness. Finding my group of best friends. Road ramblin’. Chalking in a park. Skip-Bo in McDonald’s. Sigma Retreat. The public debate over which SEC team should win. One-Act Play Festival. Big Sister. Halloween. Naked Shakespeare. Singers Concert. Boxer Rebellion. Initiation! Trader Joe’s. Joshua Radin with sisters and the Swedish Fish. Super Trivia @ Dave and Buster’s. Jingle Ball. Choephorii. Moon Over Buffalo road trip. Pong-along. Thanksgiving Break. Chi Phi Beddy Byes. Dead Day’s Eve. Seamen. Boar’s Head. Baking cookies at 2 in the morning. JSJ. Karaoke. Going through the McDonald’s Drive-Thru backwards. Playwriting Final. Ice Skating. French Final. Birmingham.

Most likely none of that will make sense. But remembering all of it makes me smile. It reminds me of home.