There was a lot of rain today. And I believe it is a commonly accepted thought that rain is generally a cleansing thing. But there was so much of it that it was difficult to think of it as anything more than oppressive. But now I’m sitting here in the living room feeling a lot better.
If we were going according to the five stages of grief, I suppose I have finally reached acceptance. Things end, and though in life nothing is certain, I’ve learned that I cannot put too much hope in that fact. Eventually, I must part ways with my girlish wishful thinking and my naive desire for all things to be perfect. Not that any of it is bad, I just can’t presume to be able to effectively face the realities of life with such an outlook. It seems I must strike a balance, for I find being bitter and cynical doesn’t quite suit me either - I’m perceived to be much too small and dainty to be jaded and brooding. But I think it would be healthier for me to be a realistic optimist; you know, hope for the best and not break down when things don’t work out the way I want them to.
Hmm…it sounds eerily similar to something I’ve said earlier in this blog. I’m sure it has something to do with my New Year’s Resolutions.
I should review those more often or I’ll just end up looking silly.
As if I haven’t done that already.
But as I was saying: acceptance. And rain. I don’t really know what they have to do with each other, but one seems to have brought me to the other. I think I can finally tell myself I’m okay. I think I finally mean it. And I think I finally no longer have to rely on someone else to reinforce it.
And that, I know, is improvement.
I have a poem for you:
ReplyDelete"Listen, with the night falling we are saying thank you, we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings, we are running out of the glass rooms with our mouths full of food to look at the sky and say thank you, we are standing by water looking out in different directions back from a series of hospitals, back from a mugging after funerals we are saying thank you. After the news of the dead we are saying thank you, whether or not we know them we are saying thank you, I'm a culture up to its chin in shame, living in the stench it has chosen, we are saying thank you. Over telephones we are saying thank you, in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators remembering wars ans the police at the back door and the beatings on the stairs we are saying thank you. In the banks that use us we are saying thank you, with the crooks in the office with the rich and fashionable unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you. With the animals dying around us our lost feelings we are saying thank you, with the forests falling faster than the minutes of our lives we are saying thank you, with the words going out like cells of a brain with the cities growing over us like the earth we are saying thank you faster and faster with nobody listening we are saying thank you, we are saying thank you and waving, dark though it is."
Anne Lamott
I really like your writing, you brilliant and beautiful mind, you! :) I just discovered you had a blogspot, and I must say that I am thrilled to continue reading your thoughts. I have a lot of trouble writing in mine frequently as well, so perhaps we can both serve as each other's motivation and audience. :D <3 love you, lady.
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